WAR

Posted on my family blog about my crappy Christmas. Here was the plan: my husband had Thurs-Sat off. We were going to spend family time together, much needed. My husband's an actuary, and has been working until at least 7:30 most days, leaving me to manage just about everything. Which is fine. It's the deal. Someone has to do it. I work part-time, he works more than full time.

BUT. I was really, really looking forward to four days together, without having to explain that daddy loves us and would rather be here. And yes, you do have to wear a hat outside. And no bottle until more dinner. And bedtime now. You can guess the drill.

What actually happenened:

Frantically trying to finish my work before the holidays, I get a call Tues from daycare: kid is sick, has fever. Go to pick him up. Then get a call from MIL, who says that my husband's grandmother, who has been in hospice, is going downhill fast. They've thought about it and will support whatever decision our family makes about going to the funeral. (We visited at Thanksgiving, and my husband changed his flight to spend an extra 3 days there then. So we had kind of said our goodbyes.)

Weds husband comes home from work. Family has changed their minds and will need him to come down.

Thursday grandmother dies. Viewing is planned for Saturday; funeral is Sunday.

So. Saturday -- our kid's brithday -- husband leaves for his family's house. I deal with sick kid until he gets back late Sunday night. He took Monday off (that was our compromise), and it was good. Went to the Zoo and tromped around. Husband put kid to bed (I think). Tues and he's back at work "Hopefully only 'til 9:30."

All I was saying on my family blog? This. Christmas. Sucked. Sure, it had its good points. It was better than the first Christmas after my mom died, when my dad didn't call (I was 22). But still, really freakin' low on the list. And for the record, I am so sorry about my husband's grandma, who was a really interesting lady and who I liked a lot. I'm just calloused, I guess. In my job I confront death all the time. And all my grandparents and my mother are dead, so... I know. Believe me, I know.

Got a nasty, anon comment on family blog implying I was self-absorbed. And I can guess which SIL wrote it!

So I deleted the blog.

I have to admit, it's a relief. I hated that blog. It was such a mistake to let my husband's fam know about it. They are great people. I love them. But it's best they don't have any sort of view into my heart.

Husband suspects new blog but I deny, deny, deny.